tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8512327745848627452.post5702124552491301769..comments2024-03-24T14:25:25.667+01:00Comments on CARPE DIEM HAIKU KAI: Carpe Diem Special Japanese Poetry In The Lowlands #2 Jurgen DiepstratenUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8512327745848627452.post-30753952356148946732016-11-07T21:03:17.514+01:002016-11-07T21:03:17.514+01:00Thank you so much for introducing us to Jurgen Die...Thank you so much for introducing us to Jurgen Diepstraten and for translating his haiku. I agree that these are difficult to translate without exceeding the maximum syllable count for haiku and I can understand why you have translated them the way you have. In the second line of the first haiku, Jurgen talks about silence and I would leave this in the translation: 'here one can see silence' (instead of 'tranquility'). <br /><br />I particularly enjoy the play on words in his second haiku between 'applie pie' and 'apple of my eye' and I would prefer to retain this word play in the translation of the haiku:<br /><br />smell the apple pie<br />hesitantly up she goes<br />the apple of my eye.<br /><br />To fully translate Jurgen's words into English would exceed the 5-7-5 syllable count by some margin. I hope this helps.Xeniahttp://www.whippetwisdom.comnoreply@blogger.com