Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,
Our third Carpe Diem Special by Jane Reichhold is today's prompt. For this Special I have chosen a haiku of Summer. I think this haiku will give you enough inspiration to write your own haiku in the same sense, tone and Spirit as the one by Jane.
sweeping the porch
bright prints of raindrops
followed by
splashesI can see this in front of me ... you have just swept the porch and then a rainstorm breaks loose. A rainstorm after a long hot summer day ... how refreshing. Here in The Netherlands today we have such a day and I hope that we will get a rainstorm.
As I am preparing this episode of Carpe Diem I am at my work and I hope that I can visit all of your post. I am a little bit behind and I hope to catch up ...
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| Jane Reichhold |
My attempt to write a haiku in the same sense, tone and Spirit as Jane Reichhold:
sweeping the garden
a last leaf falls ... I hold in the broom -
departing Autumn
a last leaf falls ... I hold in the broom -
departing Autumn
Well ... what do you think? Is this a haiku in the Spirit of Jane? I think so, but that's not up to me to decide, but yours. This Special prompt will stay on 'til July 18th 11.59 AM (CET) and I will post our new episode, Inner beauty, later on today around 8.00 PM (CET). !! "Sweeping the porch" is open for submissions at 8.00 PM (CET) !!
Namaste,
I don't know exactely if I have written that second line in the good manner of English. So I hope you understand, and if you can help me to write it better, please let me know it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could write "holding the broom" instead. English is not my first language either... but it sounds better in my ears
DeleteWonderful haiku to get inspired from, and your response is exactly the same tone...
DeleteFound it! I just wrote:
ReplyDeletesweeping the porch
a silent cicada
flies into life
Have to come up with a little drawing yet.
Kristjaan, it has to be a native speaker. I myself overstep the borders quite often. Never mind, haiku defies grammer. Though, I also agree, I'd like to know if native speakers would think certain constructions as possible or not.
ReplyDeleteAnaway, I like this prompt very much. Thanks for the work involved.
I like it just as it is, Kristjaan. It's capturing such a bittersweet moment...to me.
ReplyDeletesweeping the garden
ReplyDeletea last leaf falls...I hold in the broom -
departing Autumn
Here's a 5-7-5 :)
sweeping the garden ...
I stop to watch the last leaf
of autumn depart
I love your haiku today but I do think you would say "the broom holds departing autumn" if what you are trying to say is that the leaf, which is stuck in the broom, is a part of autumn. Also, seasons don't need to be capitalized. It's a common error. Your English is usually quite good with very few missteps.
ReplyDeleteI will try to explain what I saw as I was writing this haiku.. I was busy sweeping the garden with a broom. From one of the trees fell a last leaf. I stopped sweeping and watched the curved fall of that last leaf in ecstasy. It felt sad to see that last leaf fall and I thought "now autumn has departed for sure". This scene I painted with the haiku.
ReplyDeleteLolly, I'm getting to weird Blogger page when I click on your link. I'll find it from another prompt.
ReplyDeletesorry, 'bout that. I don't know what happened.
DeleteLeave it. I read it as you hold in the broom as the last leaf left, remembering the fond memories of the season as it faded. Very sentimental the way you have in now and it captures what you explained in your last reply. I like it.
ReplyDeleteThis was awesome. I like it if we all are thinking about one's haiku, maybe it's something we can do in a special feature of Carpe Diem. Thank you all for the kindness to think my haiku over and help me to make it better. As I have read the comments again ... I have decided to let the haiku be as it is. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me.
ReplyDeleteNamaste
I wish I had a porch, but we have summer in full force here. Our temps are in the 100s. I loved your haiku. It had good imagery.
ReplyDelete