Carpe Diem Weekend-Meditation #24 Revise That Haiku ... Improve your haiku writing skills

!!! Open for your submissions next Sunday March 18th at 7:00 PM (CET) !!!

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

It is time again to lean back and watch back on the last week ... time again for a new Carpe Diem Weekend-Meditation with an all new logo as you can see. I have chosen a spring landscape, because on the Northern hemisphere, where I live, spring almost starts.

This weekend I love to challenge you again to revise two classical haiku by renown haiku poets. This weekend I have chosen to challenge you with a haiku by Yosa Buson and one by Masaoka Shiki, both are known as part of the five greatest haiku-poets ever (Basho, Issa, Buson, Chiyo-Ni and Shiki).

The goal of this feature "revise that haiku" speaks for itself I think ... you have to "revise" a haiku.

Here are the haiku to "revise" this weekend:

in the moonlight,
the color and scent of the wisteria
seems far away

© Yosa Buson (1716-1784)

Wisteria

And here is the other haiku by Masaoka Shiki:

a mountain village
under the piled-up snow
the sound of water

© Masaoka Shiki (1867-1902)

Two wonderful haiku to work with I think. A challenge too ... but that's what revise that haiku is meant for. It even can help to improve your haiku writing skills, because you are just for a moment the classical haiku poet ...

This episode is open for your submissions next Sunday March 18th at 7:00 PM (CET) and will remain open until March 25th at noon (CET). Have a great weekend full of inspiration.

Carpe Diem Weekend-Meditation #22 Revise That Haiku ... Improve Your Haiku Writing Skills

!!! Open for your submissions next Sunday March 4th at 7:00 PM (CET) !!!

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

Welcome at this belated weekend-meditation. This weekend I love to challenge you to revise two renown haiku by Matsuo Basho. Every one of us will have this experience I think. Sometimes you write a haiku, but a while later you are revising your first version. Nothing wrong with ... even the most renown haiku poets did this, Basho also was known for his revisions. During a period in his life say 1681-1683 he wrote his haiku in the way of the Chinese verse. He left the strict rules of haiku and tried to write his haiku in the Chinese way. After this short period we know that Basho revised his haiku that he had written in the way of the Chinese verse back to the classical way.

This weekend I love to challenge you to revise two of his renown haiku, "frogpond" and "crow". I know that this is quit something to revise these haiku, but remember it's a way of improving your own haiku skills.

old pond
a frog jumps in
sound of water

© Basho (Tr. Chèvrefeuille)

autumn evening;
a crow perched
on a withered bough

© Basho (Tr. R. H. Blyth)

Two really beautiful haiku by the master and now you may revise them. Have a great weekend full of inspiration.

This weekend-meditation is open for your submissions next Sunday March 4th at 7:00 PM (CET) and will remain open until March 11th at noon (CET). I will try to publish our new episode later on.

Background on "a crow perched".

Carpe Diem Weekend-Meditation #20 Revise That Haiku

!! Open for your submissions next Sunday February 18th at 7:00 PM (CET) !!

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

Welcome at a new CDHK Weekend-Meditation. This weekend I love to challenge you to "revise" a haiku created by one of the classical haiku poets. This weekend-meditation that will be a haiku created by Chiyo Ni (1703-1775). Let me first tell you a little bit more about Chiyo-Ni.

Chiyo-ni (Kaga no Chiyo) was a Japanese poet of the Edo period, widely regarded as one of the greatest poets of haiku. Being one of the few women haiku poets in pre-modern Japanese literature, Chiyo-ni has been seen an influential figure. Before her time, haiku by women were often dismissed and ignored. She began writing Haiku at seven and by age seventeen she had become very popular all over Japan and she continued writing throughout her life. Influenced by the renowned poet Matsuo Bashō but emerging and as independent figure with a unique voice in her own right, Chiyo-ni dedication toward her career not only paved a way for her career but it also opened a path for other women to follow. Chiyo-ni is known as a "forerunner, who played the role of encouraging international cultural exchange".

She is perhaps best known for this haiku:

morning glory!
the well bucket-entangled,
I ask for water

© Chiyo-Ni

Today, the morning glory is a favorite flower for the people of her home town, because she left a number of poems on that flower.

Chiyo-ni standing beside a well. This woodcut by Utagawa Kuniyoshi illustrates her most famous haiku: finding a bucket entangled in the vines of a morning glory, she will go ask for water rather than disturb the flower.

The "Morning Glory" haiku is one of her renown haiku. I think you all have read this one very often. This is the haiku you have to "revise" this weekend. It will not be an easy task, but I think you all will succeed in this task.

Of course I have given it a try myself, and it was for sure not easy, but I think this "revision" is really nice (how immodest).

in the light of dawn
Morning Glory embraces the well
my neighbor gives me water

© Chèvrefeuille

What do you think of this "revision"? Please share your thoughts through the comment-field.

This weekend-meditation is open for your submissions next Sunday February 18th at 7:00 PM (CET) and will remain open until February 25th at noon (CET). Have a great weekend and enjoy this challenge to revise this renown haiku by Chiyo-Ni. 

 

Carpe Diem Weekend-meditation #14 Revise That Haiku

!! Open for your submissions Sunday January 7th at 7:00 PM (CET) !!

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

First I have to apologize for being late with this weekend-meditation. I had a very busy day and hadn't time to create this weekend-meditation. So my excuses for being this late.

This weekend I love to challenge you to "revise that haiku". "Revise That Haiku" was one of our special features here at CDHK. The goal is to re-create, to revise, a given haiku of a classical haiku poet like Basho or Chiyo-Ni. I will give you the background story of the haiku and than the haiku as written by the classical haiku poet. It's a real challenge I think and I think that you will experience some difficulties to revise a haiku of a classical poet.

The logo of this special CDHK feature as used in our history

For this weekend-meditation "revise that haiku" I have chosen a nice haiku written by (my master) Matsuo Basho (1644-1694). I will first give you the story behind the haiku:

With the haiku, we are going to revise, came (as was common in Basho's time) a preface or title. For this haiku the title was: 'Mourning over the death of priest Tando'.

This is the background to this haiku:

Basho and Tando were close friends and he (Basho) was very sad, as you can read in the haiku, very sad when he heard that Tando had passed away. He weeps, while falling on his knees. Maybe with his hands before his face I think so. Tando had teached him some fundamental rules of Zen Buddhism, so Basho flourished after these teachings. He became the flower, but now his friend and teacher had died, the flower felt to the ground closer to the root. He wept for his friend in farewell and wrote this haiku:

chi ni taore   me ni yori hana no   wakare kana

falling to the ground
a flower closer to the root
bidding farewell

© Matsuo Basho (Tr. Jane Reichhold)

And now it is up to you to "revise" this haiku. Read the background again, try to become one with the scene, or in other words "try to be Basho", and look at the haiku again. How can it be revised? Maybe it becomes a stronger haiku, maybe not, but that's not the issue here. Just try to "revise" the haiku.

Matsuo Basho (1644-1694)

Of course I have given it a try myself. Here is my "revision" of this beautiful haiku by my master Matsuo Basho:

tears flow
falling to the ground
autumn leaves

© Chèvrefeuille

Well ... I think this is a nice challenge. I am looking forward to your responses ... and I hope of course that you all will have the courage to revise this haiku by Basho. Have a great weekend!

This episode is open for your submissions next Sunday January 7th at 7:00 PM (CET) and will remain open until January 14th at noon (CET). Have fun ...!

Carpe Diem Revise That Haiku #7 Wisteria Blossom by Kiyoshi (father of Yozakura)

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

I had to distract you all a little bit from our Tanka Splendor month. This month we are all into tanka and I just had to give you a break ... just for fun.

So I present to you a new episode of our special feature "Revise That Haiku" in which I challenge you to re-create the given haiku by a wellknown haiku poet. To "re-vise" you need to read the Original haiku several times to come in tune with the scene it describes and than with that scene you have to create a new "re-vised" version of the given haiku.

For this "just for fun" break I love to challenge you to "re-vise" a haiku written by the father of Yozakura, Kiyoshi. Maybe you can remember his haiku I used it in the serial Wandering Spirit.

So here is the haiku to "revise":

only silence
the summer breeze caresses
Wisteria blossom

© Kiyoshi, father of Yozakura

Have fun!

This Revise That Haiku episode is NOW OPEN for your submissions and will be open until next Saturday November 26th at noon (CET).

Carpe Diem Tokubetsudesu #88 Back In Time "Revise That Haiku"

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

Welcome at a new episode of Tokubetsudesu. As you know this month all the Tokubetsudesu episodes are about earlier special features here at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai. This week I love to take you back to one of those special features, "Revise That Haiku".

I love to challenge you all to 'revise' a classical haiku written by Shiki (1867-1902). One of the most extraordinary things about nature, from the scientific and intellectual point of view, is its asymmetry. Life is asymmetrical in its essential character, and it is natural for us to rejoice in it, for it is the guarantee of our spiritual freedom. Even the Great Buddha, for all the Law of Karma and the inviolable Wheel of the Law, the snow melts irregularly. On the sunny side, the snow is gone; on the other, there still remains a white mantle. To our human eye at least, it is a secretly felt confirmation of our inner conviction that 'with God all things are possible'.

Where does this lead to? Well ... it's to show you the picture which is (can be) seen in the following haiku by Shiki, which we are going to revise.

Daibutsu no katahada no yuki toki ni keri

the snow has melted

on one shoulder

of the Great Buddha

© Shiki

As you maybe know in this special feature the goal is to revise the given haiku and write/compose a new one. Not an easy task and it needs some courage to revise a haiku by one of the greatest four haiku-poets ever (Basho, Buson, Issa and Shiki), but ... well it challenges you to look in a different way to the classical haiku.

at the sunny side

the snow in the backyard has melted -

snowdrops are blooming

© Chèvrefeuille 

What a joy. Notwithstanding the snow, the print of winter, new life conquers it. The snow is melting and the snowdrops, the first messengers of spring, are starting to bloom.

I hope you will take up this challenge and I love to encourage you all to 'revise' the haiku by Shiki.

This Tokubetsudesu episode is NOW OPEN for your submissions and will remain open until July 24th at noon (CET). I will (try to) publish our new epsidoe, Elder, later on. For now ... have fun!

Carpe Diem Special #193 Revise That Haiku ... a trip along memory lane

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

As you know this month's CD-Specials are a trip along memory lane ... and today I have another special feature which I created for our Kai. This special feature was titled "Revise That Haiku" and the goal was to "revise" a haiku by one of the classic haiku masters. I love to bring that special feature here again today as part of this month's CD-Specials.

I love to challenge you all to 'revise' a classical haiku written by Shiki (1867-1902). I have done this earlier here at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai, but that's a while ago, so ... let us try this again.

One of the most extraordinary things about nature, from the scientific and intellectual point of view, is its asymmetry. Life is asymmetrical in its essential character, and it is natural for us to rejoice in it, for it is the guarantee of our spiritual freedom. Even the Great Buddha, for all the Law of Karma and the inviolable Wheel of the Law, the snow melts irregularly. On the sunny side, the snow is gone; on the other, there still remains a white mantle. To our human eye at least, it is a secretly felt confirmation of our inner conviction that 'with God all things are possible'.

Where does this lead to? Well ... it's to show you the picture which is (can be) seen in the following haiku by Shiki, which we are going to revise.

Daibutsu no katahada no yuki toki ni keri

the snow has melted
on one shoulder
of the Great Buddha 

© Shiki

As you all (maybe) know in this special feature the goal was to revise the given haiku and write/compose a new one. Not an easy task and it needs some courage to revise a haiku by one of the greatest five haiku-poets ever (Basho, Chiyo-Ni, Buson, Issa and Shiki), but ... well it challenges you to look in a different way to the classical haiku.

at the sunny side
the snow in the backyard has melted -
snowdrops are blooming 

© Chèvrefeuille

What a joy. Notwithstanding the snow, the print of winter, new life conquers it. The snow is melting and the snowdrops, the first messengers of spring, are starting to bloom.

on the thin line
between day and night
both, moon and sun shine 

© Chèvrefeuille

I hope you will take up this challenge and I love to encourage you all to 'revise' the haiku by Shiki.

By the way this CD-Special is almost the same as the original post somewhere at the start of CDHK.

This CD-Special is open for your submissions tonight at 7.00 PM (CET) and will remain open until January 24th at noon (CET). I will (try to) publish our new episode, fields, later on.

Logo of Carpe Diem's Revise That Haiku

Have fun! Please let me know if you would like to see this special feature back here at CDHK.

Carpe Diem Revise That Haiku #6, Basho's "The Flower of the Melon"

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers.

It's quit a while ago that I published a Carpe Diem Revise That Haiku episode, so I thought let's go do a new Revise that Haiku episode. In this special CDHK feature the goal is to "revise" the given haiku by using the story behind the given haiku.
For this episode I have chosen a haiku by "my master" Basho (1644-1694) it's not a wellknown haiku, but I think it's a gorgeous one. First I will give you the story behind the haiku and than the haiku itself. (By the way: this is based on R.H.Blyth's series of 4 Volumes Haiku)

The morning glory belongs to the morning, and the evening glory to the evening, but the flower of the melon does not come into either category, and thus has something pathetic about it; it seems to have nothing to depend on. This verse is an example of Basho's extraordinary sensitiveness to the most trivial-seeming aspects of nature. (As we could read in the Ghost-Writer post by Basho last May). But it is poetry, it is the poetical world.

yube ni mo asa ni mo tsukazu uri no hana

it belongs
neither to morning nor to evening
the flower of the melon

© Matsuo Basho (translation by R.H.Blyth)

Credits: The Flower of the Melon

What to do with this haiku, how to revise it, can I revise it, dare I to revise it? It's a challenge and I had to try ofcourse. I hope my revision will not be shame for my master (smiles).

in her realm
the flowers of the melon blooming
at noon

© Chèvrefeuille

Well ... what do you think? Did I succeeded? Try to revise the haiku by Basho and share your revised haiku with us all ...

This episode of Carpe Diem Revise That Haiku is NOW OPEN for your submissions and will remain open until June 27th at noon. Have fun, be inspired and share your haiku with our haiku-family.

Carpe Diem's "Revise that haiku" #5, Shiki's "The snow has melted"

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

I love to challenge you all to 'revise' a classical haiku written by Shiki (1867-1902). I have done this earlier here at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai, but that's a while ago, so ... let us try this again.

One of the most extraordinary things about nature, from the scientific and intellectual point of view, is its asymmetry. Life is asymmetrical in its essential character, and it is natural for us to rejoice in it, for it is the guarantee of our spiritual freedom. Even the Great Buddha, for all the Law of Karma and the inviolable Wheel of the Law, the snow melts irregularly. On the sunny side, the snow is gone; on the other, there still remains a white mantle. To our human eye at least, it is a secretly felt confirmation of our inner conviction that 'with God all things are possible'.
Where does this lead to? Well ... it's to show you the picture which is (can be) seen in the following haiku by Shiki, which we are going to revise.

Credits: Great Buddha covered with snow

Daibutsu no katahada no yuki toki ni keri

the snow has melted
on one shoulder
of the Great Buddha

(c) Shiki

As you all know in this special feature the goal is to revise the given haiku and write/compose a new one. Not an easy task and it needs some courage to revise a haiku by one of the greatest four haiku-poets ever (Basho, Buson, Issa and Shiki), but ... well it challenges you to look in a different way to the classical haiku.

at the sunny side
the snow in the backyard has melted -
snowdrops are blooming

(c) Chèvrefeuille

What a joy. Notwithstanding the snow, the print of winter, new life conquers it. The snow is melting and the snowdrops, the first messengers of spring, are starting to bloom.

on the thin line
between day and night
both, moon and sun shine

(c) Chèvrefeuille

I hope you will take up this challenge and I love to encourage you all to 'revise' the haiku by Shiki.

This episode of 'Carpe Diem's Revise That Haiku' is NOW OPEN for your submissions and will remain open until April 30th 11.59 AM (CET). Have fun, be inspired and share your revised 'Shiki-haiku' with us all here at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai.
This post you can also find at my new weblog "Ancient Haiku-poets Revisited".

Carpe Diem's Revise That Haiku #4, Shiki's ''a basket of grass''

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

What a joy to share an all new episode of this unique feature "Revise That Haiku", I know I am a bit late, but well December was a busy month and I hadn't time enough to prepare the extra features of Carpe Diem.

An all new challenging episode of this feature is at the point to start. For this episode I have chosen a haiku by Shiki (one of the four greatest haiku-poets ever). I have titled it after the first line "a basket of grass" and it's a wonderful haiku, a real Shiki. It's an example of Shiki's haiku-art, very different from the other haiku-masters.
By the way, did you know that Shiki gave haiku it's name? Until Shiki haiku was known as haikai or hokku and with the rising of Shiki's star he became a master with insight and power in the Japanese poetry-scene. So he had the power, an accepted and respected power, in Japanese poetry. So he could give haiku it's name. Since Shiki all haikai and hokku became known as haiku.

Masaoka Shiki was bedbound because of tuberculosis

kusakago wo oite hitonashi haru no yama

a basket of grass,
and no one there, -
mountains of spring

(c) Shiki

How wonderful the world is, that a basket of grass, by itself, should be able to give us the meaning of the spring mountains. The mere fact that there is no one with the basket is enough to throw us back into the arms of nature. When we are entirely alone with nature, and conscious of it, we feel an emotion that can be explained only by a contradiction, yet it is a single, elemental feeling. On the one hand it is a feeling of loneliness; on the other, it is one of fullness. It is like breathing in and breathing out at one and the same time. (This is also what the meaning is of the 'Aleph' which we are searching for in our Trans Siberian Railroad month.) The spring mountains are so far off and yet so near; infinite, yet in one's breast; eternal, but of this present moment. (This also can be the explanation of the 'Aleph').

A Basket of Grass

To revise this haiku will not be an easy task, but I have tried it, of course (smiles):

in the arms of nature
resting like a little child -
scent of fallen leaves

(c) Chèvrefeuille

It's not only close to nature, it's nature itself were we are part of. Nature is in us, nature is in haiku. The beauty and sweetness of nature is just awesome ... let us hope that nature will be staying part of our life.

For our new contributors I will explain the goal of this feature. The goal of 'Revise That Haiku' is to write an all new haiku that's close to the original. So it's a challenge ... not an easy challenge, but it's a joy to look in a different way to a haiku of one of the classic haiku poets.
Have fun, be inspired and share your 'revised' haiku with our haiku-family.

Look for other episodes of 'Revise That Haiku' at:

#1: Basho's 'Old Pond'
#2: Taigi's 'arranging the plum-flowers'

This episode of 'Revise That Haiku' will be staying on until January 24 th 11.59 AM (CET) and is NOW OPEN for your submissions.

Carpe Diem's Revise that Haiku #3, Buson's "a hand-ball"

 

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

Another episode of Carpe Diem's "Revise that Haiku'. Another challenge to look at a different way to a haiku of the classical haiku-poets. This time I have choosen a haiku written by Yosa Buson (1716-1783), one the great four haiku-poets next to Basho, Issa and Shiki.
Buson was, next to being a poet also a painter of Haiga. In his haiku he paints with words sometimes even better. He illustrated once Basho's "Oku no Hosomichi" in the late 18th century.
The haiku to revise is the following:

a hand-ball,
wet with the spring rain falling
on the roof

(c) Buson

Credits: Bonobo with Orange Ball

And this is the scene which inspired Buson to write this haiku:

[...] All day the rain has continued. It seems that it has never begun and will never stop. The poet goes to the verandah and stands looking out at the melancholy scene. Caught in the gutter of the roof opposite is a ball made of cloth that children were playing with and that lodged there by accident. The rain pours down relentlessly upon it as upon everything else, soaking its pretty design and colours. The rain continues meaninglessly, uselessly to beat down on the ball. The ball continues meaninglessly, uselessly to be beaten on by the rain. The poet suddenly sees, almost without knowing it, a 'meaningless' meaning in this ball, in this rain, in all things. The ball grows sodden, and still the rain falls upon it, as though it were a thing that the rain could make blossom.[...]
This is the poetical life of the verse, the sheer lack of relation between the rain and the ball and the roof, - other than that of proximity.

And now ... I have to try to revise that haiku ... not an easy task I think. This haiku by Buson gives me not so much to work with, but the scene gives me something to work with. And I came up with the following haiku:

spring rains falling
suddenly the cherry trees bloom -
the sound of a windchime

in the gutter
after the pouring rain of spring
plum blossom petals

Hm .. not an easy one to revise, a real challenge this is ... let me re-think this verse again and try another revision.

all day spring rain falls
soaking the dried out grounds -
field flowers blossom

Another attempt:

a ball left alone
in the muddy puddles -
fading colors

Well ... it's fun to look at an ancient haiku and try to revise that haiku. It's a way to learn to write haiku. So ... try it yourself.

This episode of Carpe Diem "Revise That Haiku" will stay on until Christmas Eve 11.59 AM (CET) and is NOW OPEN for your submissions. Have fun, be inspired and share your revised haiku with us all here at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai.

Carpe Diem's Revise that haiku #2, Basho's famous 'old pond'

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

As we all know ... a haiku is the reproduction of a moment as short as the sound of a pebble thrown into water, but this haiku by Basho wasn't the reproduction of a moment. He wrote it at home, without the reality of the scene which he describes in his famous 'old pond' haiku.
That's, by the way, what the most modern Haijin do I think. As I look at myself, there are haiku which I wrote behind my desk.

For example:

a lonely flower
my companion
for one night

It was the first haiku which I wrote in English and it was my International breakthrougj. So in a way ... similar with Basho's famous 'old pond'-haiku. (Hm ... an immodest thought for a haiku poet).
As I look back at our first episode of 'revise that haiku', I see (and read) that you all appreciate this new feature. It's a joy and a challenge to revise haiku.
Revising is very much in the tradition of the classical haiku poets such as Basho and Shiki. Basho once said: " Every haiku needs revision by saying it (aloud) one thousand times". It's not that you've to say it thousand times for real, but Basho says 'your haiku has to grow, has to bloom from it's bud'. A first haiku must be re-written and re-written again.

''Old Pond'' by Basho - a haiga in his own handwriting

In this episode of 'revise that haiku' I love to challenge you to revise Basho's famous 'old pond' haiku.

furu ike ya / kawazu tobi komu / mizu no oto

old pond
a frog jumps into
the sound of water

This verse, now so famous, was first published in a selection of haiku 'Haru no Hi' (Spring Day). What, at first made his haiku interesting was the fact that in poetry up until this time, frogs were mentioned for their croaking but never for their leaping. However, with the passage of time, countless translations and copies, this haiku has only grown more special.

The background of this haiku is not so well known, so let me tell you something about that ...
Basho was living in a hermitage in Edo (nowadays Tokyo) where there was a pond. There were some Japanese yellow roses (yamabuki) growing around it. On one quiet early spring day, around the end of March, Basho was with Kikaku and heard a frog jump into the pond. It was a moment when he understood the idea of tranquility. One of Badho's disciples, Shiko wrote about the process in his haiku essay, "Kuzu no Matsubara" published in 1692.
[...] First Baso thought of the 7-5 sound units, "kawazu tobi komu mizu no oto", conveying the idea that "a frog jumped in with the sound of water". Then he tried to think of a good 5 units for the first line. Kikaku proposed 'yamabuki ya' (Japanese yellow rose). Basho said that yamabuki would be elegant, but to showy. He said 'furu ike ya' should be used because it is simple and truthful' [...]

Kikaku''s idea was easly understood and the combination of a frog and yamabuki was common at that time, but Basho''s was a novel idea. The word ''old pond'' was from traditional Chinese literature and was associated with the hermit life. Many haiku poets were so impressed with this modest simplicity that several stories related to Zen Buddhism were fabricated about the haiku.
Isn''t it a wonderful story? It''s a joy to read how even Basho sometimes had trouble with the composing of his haiku. Haiku is a way of collaborating poetry as we have seen above.

Now ... up to our challenge to revise this haiku by Basho. It will not be easy but ... well worth the try. By the way: maybe it feels like descration to revise this famous haiku by Basho, but I think that it can help us to learn from the master himself. How to write a good, well balanced and beautiful haiku. So let us go for it and try to revise this famous haiku.

yellow roses
surrounding an old pond
a frog jumps in

Or maybe ....

the sound of water -
yellow roses in the rain
the silence deepens

Or ... what do you think of this revised version:

deep silence
broken by the sound of water -
a frog jumps in

And what to think of this one:

an old pond -
the silence deepens
as frogs start croaking

I was on a roll with this revising so here I have two others to think about:

rippling water
as frogs jump into -
yellow roses bloom

the old pond
surrounded with yellow roses -
rippling water

To conclude this episode of ''Revise that haiku''. R.H.Blyth describes in his Haiku Vol.2 this famous haiku as follows:

[...] ''The pond is old, in an old garden. The trees are ages old, the trunks green with moss that covers the stones. The very silence itself goes back beyond men and their noises. A frog jumps in. The whole garden, the whole universe contained in one single plop!-sound that is beyond sound and silence, and yet is the sound of the water of the old pond''. [...]

Yamabuki (Yellow Roses, Kerria Japonica)

Well ... a lot to read and to emphatize with ... become part of the scene. You''re in contact with Basho ... try to re-live the scenery and maybe ... you can come up with a revised version of this world famous haiku by the master himself.

Have fun, be inspired and share your revised haiku-moment with us all here at our Haiku Kai. This episode of ''Revise that Haiku'' will stay on ''til November 28th 11.59 AM (CET). !! This episode of ''Revise that haiku'' is now open for your submissions !!

Carpe Diem's Revise that haiku #1, a haiku by Taigi (1709-1771)

Dear Haijin, visitors and travelers,

I love to introduce an all new challenging feature to you all. This new feature I have called "Revise That Haiku". And as the title says it's the goal to REVISE a given haiku. How does this new feature go?

In every, monthly, episode I will share a haiku written by a classical (or a non-classical, modern) haiku poet. I will describe the moment which inspired the haiku poet to compose that specific haiku. To REVISE that haiku you read the description of the moment and let it inspire you to write a revised version of that haiku. You may revise it in a classical or non-classical way, but it has to be different from the given haiku.

For this first episode of "Revise That Haiku" I have chosen a haiku written by Taigi (1709-1771 ?), a contemporary and friend of Buson. I will first give the haiku (including the Japanese Romaji) and then I will give the description of the moment which led to the haiku.

Plum flowers

umi ikete tsuki to mo wabin tomoshikage

arranging the plum-flowers,
I would enjoy them in the light of the lamp,
as if in the moonlight

(c) Taigi (1709-1771 ?)

The brevity of haiku is not something differnt from, but a part of the peotical life; it is not only a form of expression but a mode of living more immediately, more closely to life as may be illustrated in the above haiku by Taigi.

The original of the above haiku is even more difficult, literally: "arranging the plum, as if the moon, I would savour, lamp-light" (Wabiru translated 'enjoy', 'means' to live a life of poetry in poverty). The poet has arranged the flowers in a vase, and wishes to see them in the light of the moon, but there being no moon, he lights the lamp instead, and adds its light to the poetry and the beauty of the flowers.
The whole of the poet's life is shown in this action and the essence of the verse in wabin. This poverty, this asceticism of life and form in haiku, this absence of luxury and decoration finds its philosophical and transcendental expression in Emanuel Swedenborg's (a Swedish philosopher who lived from 1688 until 1772) "Heaven and Hell" (paragraph 178); after he has described the garments of the angels, some of which glow with flame, some of which shine with light, he adds:

"But the angels of the inmost heaven are not clothed".

Well ... with the desciption of the moment I think you can revise that haiku ... so ... "break a leg", have fun, be inspired and share your revised Taigi-haiku with us at Caroe Diem Haiku Kai.

Flourishing Plum Flowers in the Moonlight

I have given it also a try, here is my 'revised' Taigi-haiku:

shadow on the wall
flourishing plum blossom
in the moon light

(c) Chèvrefeuille, your host

Not a bad revised Taigi-haiku I think, but that's not up to me to decide.

This first episode of Carpe Diem's Revise That Haiku will stay on 'till November 15th 11.59 AM (CET) and I will (try) to post a new episode of this new feature later on that day.
!! Revise That Haiku #1 is now open for your submissions !!