Dear haijin, visitors and travelers,
Another episode of our haibun feature "Kamishibai" I love to share with you all. I Was reading "The Zahir" by Paulo Coelho when a story cam in mind. Somewhere in this novel he says "I am a cathedral which is never ready". As I read that I had a revelation and that's what I love to share here.
Once, a long time ago, I visited Barcelona and I (of course) had to visit the Sagrada Familia, that wonderful Cathedral (still in building) of the architect Antoni Gaudi. It was stunning and I felt little. It's a great experience to visit this Cathedral almost a holy experience. I felt the Holy Family deep inside of me and I realized that I am also part of that Holy Family and that I am still growing spiritual.
Years ago, I was a teenager, I wasn't happy with myself. I didn't know what I would be. I loved to be a teacher them and I studied to become a teacher, but as I was one ... it didn't gave me fulfillment. I shed a lot of tears, because I hadn't thought that being a teacher wasn't my goal in this life. As I went on with my life new dreams came. As you maybe know I sought for wisdom in the occult and I became very ill ... a year past away and finally I could become free of the occult. The occult however didn't let me go ... it hold me tight and finally I could break loose by writing a novel (in Dutch by the way). Finally I could go on with my life and became an oncology nurse. I love my work and for sure I do my work with unconditional love, but ... the gaining to be a teacher stayed deep inside.
I started to give lessons about cancer and enjoyed it very much. To become an oncology nurse finally I had to do a research. That research was about spirituality and religiosity and it brought me insight in myself.
I am a very spiritual being and I hope that I will look like that on the outside, but feeling it inside is enough to me. With haiku I found a way to bring my inside to the outside and this month with all the wonderful music by Karunesh I feel that I have succeeded in that goal.
And that all said because I read a novel by Paulo Coelho in which he says that he is a cathedral in building ... I think he is right ... I feel that way myself ... my life is still deepening and yes I build my own life ... every day again I grow a little bit and finally I will become that guy who had several dreams ... dreams that sometimes reach for heaven as the Sagrada Familia.
reaching for heaven
in praise of the Creator
Well ... I hope you all did like this haibun, our autobiographical haibun. Maybe you have such a revelation, our something else in your life which you love to share with us all. Feel free and save to share your 'autobiographical'-haibun with Carpe Diem.
This episode of Carpe Diem's Kamishibai will stay on 'till August 24th 11.59 AM (CET) and is now open for submissions.
Kristjaan, thank you so much for sharing a little of your autobiography. Your haiku and your haibun and your care and attention in this blog with your daily prompts, and the prompts your choose, all makes obvious the spirituality you practice and feel inside. I feel so glad (and lucky) that you found the way back to yourself, as writing and reading here is part of my own pathway. Many blessings! JessicaReplyDelete
Thank you Jessica for your nice comment and yes I am very glad that I could find my way back.Delete
I am so moved by this haibun, and haiku, Kristjaan. Thank you for sharing some of your inner life with us here, every day, and especially in this post. Namaste.ReplyDelete
Kristjaan, you can publish this or not. Much of my early life was out of conscious awareness in the occult. It was used to terrify me to cause my mind to split. My healing since 1997 has been to be free of all that was done to me in that world. I know there are different types of occult. Mine was designed to harm children. I too wrote a novel that began the undoing of the amnesia. I'm sorry it took a year of your life. You were an adult so I think you understand. The pull of 44 years and not being aware was horrific. My spirituality grows with haiku and finding you has been such a blessing in my life. Thank you.ReplyDelete
I am glad that my post opens ways to in some way connect with eachother on a higher level. Haiku is THE way to grow in spirituality, that's at least my experience. Haiku has it's roots in Zen Buddhism and Shinto ... so there is already a base to grow spiritual through haiku.Delete
This month of Carpe Diem is even (I think) somewhat stronger in its spiritual thoughts, because of the wonderful music by Karunesh.
Thank you for your nice words and the effort you give every day to write and share your haiku with us all here on Carpe Diem.
No comments? After such a wonderful,personal post as the one you just gave?ReplyDelete
I am unhappy about that!
I am betting K.P didn't approve and update the responses so it only looked like no one had responded when you came by.Delete
That's right Lolly I hadn't approved the comments at that moment. I was aware of the big responds on this post as I published it. I feel save and free here at Carpe Diem to talk about my Inner World.And it looks like it is appreciated by our haiku-community.Delete
Thank you my friends for such nice comments ... I opened up to you, because I feel save here amidst friends who love the same wonderful poetry as I and haiku is so much more then the bond between us all ... I think we are starting to become in someway a family with open minds, hearts and open posts to share haiku with eachother.ReplyDelete
It's just my way of life and I hope that I share that with you all ... I do this (just as I do my work as an oncology nurse) out of unconditonal love for you all and the world around us. And I hope to bring a little joy to the world and a little bit spirituality ... I am just a humble haiku poet who loves sharing ...
wonderful haibun--thank you for sharingReplyDelete
Thank you Jennifer.Delete
Kristjaan, thanks for the honest bio. It's interesting, your spiritual journey. It's a lot different from mine. I am rather dull.ReplyDelete
I tried to be religous for 2 years back in the early 90s but it didn't stick. Or maybe I woke up. Perhaps I escaped.
I think I've always been a nonbeliever. I am not a spiritual person, in fact, I try to avoid it(except for those 2 years). I don't subscribe to supernatural powers.
I am into science. And I am okay with not knowing everything. I like the mystery of the universe. I find our scientific discoveries magic in themselves. I don't need anything else. Not tarot cards, not pagan rituals, not orthodoxy, not Christ, not dogma, not cathedrals, just nature and the "miracle" of being alive.
Now if there's a label for my non-belief and I am sure there are many--pagan, animism?, and the dreaded atheist--I am not concerned. I am more focused on finding inner peace.
Whatever find people comfort and yet doesn't hurt others, I say.
Meanwhile keep challenging me with your spiritual themes and prompts. I enjoy exploring the poetic possibilities of finding "god" so to speak, in our natural world.
Thank you Lolly for this nice comment. It's OK to find your own path to Inner Peace ... And I enjoy to challenge you with the prompts to explore the universe around you which is full of mystery and magic ... You wrote: "Whatever find people comfort and yet doesn't hurt others, I say".Delete
That's the Wiccan Law :-)