Thursday, February 19, 2015

Carpe Diem Special #133, Fuyuko Tomita’s “how lonely”



Hello everyone!   This is Paloma, and I am helping Chèvrefeuille this weekend while he enjoys some “R&R” with his family.  While it’s a huge honor to help out – it’s also a bit intimidating.  I feel a bit like the ten-year-old girl who’s been invited to anchor the 6 o’clock news.  [Smiles.] 

So before we get started, let’s send a big *thank you* to Chèvrefeuille for what he does for us on a daily basis. 



For today, we return to our featured poet, Fuyuko Tomita. Here is a wonderful tanka I think we can all relate to:

さんさんとそそぐ朝日の文机に遺す未完の歌ぞ淋しき

Sansan to/ sosogu asahi no/fuzukue ni/ nokosu mikan no/ uta zo samishiki

How lonely I would be
left behind on my desk
an unfinished poem
in the glorious morning sun  


(Note that the Japanese version is in five lines – but – as she explained to Chèvrefeuille in a separate post – the English version is slightly different.  She is translating her poem so as to keep the spirit of the original, more so than the structure of the original.)

 
Lesser Ury. Woman at Writing Desk, 1898. WikiArt


Here’s my response:

at the bird feeder
three cardinals are squabbling –
a love triangle?

the poem that nudges my ribs 
is fading with the laundry

**

What about you?  Has an unfinished poem haunted you throughout your day?   What thoughts come to mind when you read "how lonely"? 

**


This episode is open for your submissions from February 19th, 7 PM (CET) and will remain open until February 22nd, at noon (CET).   





26 comments:

  1. A good start Jen! Good luck, we'll see if you have Chevrefeuille's energy! Those last 2 lines of your tanka are particularly amazing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad you like the tanka and the prompt :)

      There's no way I have Chevrefeuille's energy though -- but I will give it everything I've got! :)

      Delete
    2. I can't comment on your post but it is wonderful. That twist is perfect!

      Delete
  2. Dear Paloma ... first i love to thank you for helping me out and second this is a great post and the tanka you've chosen by Fuyuko is awesome. I can emphatize with that ' writing block' i have had those moments often as will others will have had. This tanka you wrote is gorgeous and so in touch with Fuyuko's. Thank you for hosting this weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad to help out, Chevrefeuille :)
      And very relieved that you like the post and the tanka too. You put so much energy and time and heart into CDHK.

      So sorry for the delay today too --- ugh -- scheduling! My weak point. So thank you for your patience too. o.O

      Delete
  3. Great job and thanks for pinch hitting.

    Cheers!
    JzB

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks JazzBumpa!

      Was thinking about you yesterday -- did you notice the guy with the trumpet in the Seurat painting? :)

      Delete
    2. Yes. I can't quite make out what he's got.
      Looks like the bell is facing the wrong way.
      Might be a French Horn, but it's a bit too vague to pin down

      cheers!
      JzB

      Delete
  4. Hi everyone -

    Mark R. made a good point about this tanka - at first read it seems a bit awkward, as if the poem should say "how lonely it would be" instead of "how lonely I would be". But I've double checked the poet's site and am sure that "I" is the word she had in mind. Still -- you can make a case for interpreting the poem either way -- and whichever way inspires you the most -- go for it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To me, it's "I."

      The unfinished poem is speaking.

      Cheers!
      JzB

      Delete
  5. You've written a great prompt here and the chosen tanka is exquisite! Bravo Paloma!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks --
      So very nervous!

      It's good to see that the haiku struck a chord here :)

      Delete
  6. This is a tanka gem. Love anything with love triangles and laundry:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL ---!
      Thanks! Had really been second-guessing the tanka -- so this is encouraging :)

      Delete
  7. Love this tanka gem. Love anything with love triangles and laundry !:)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hope you don't mind that I linked a second tanka [ kind of :-)], where I changed the p.o.v. and have the writer speak and the poem being the one possibly lonely but definitely abandoned and told to get on with it.
    Good choice: so much meat on it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The muses lead; we follow. Glad you were inspired to write a second time :)

      Delete
  9. Hey...great prompt and great poetry. I am in awe of you, seeing your ability to host...as you did for Ron also. Great going.
    https://toweararainbow.wordpress.com/2015/02/20/lonely-and-alone-tanka/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, you are far too kind :)
      Would like to have continued the other prompt but it was just too much at the time.

      So glad you liked the prompt :)

      Delete
  10. Beautiful tanka - love both Fuyuko Tomito's and yours

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks -- :)
      Her tanka is wonderful -- felt "connected" to it -- :)

      Delete
  11. good job Paloma, a lovely prompt

    much love..

    ReplyDelete
  12. Definitely a big thank you to Chèvrefeuille! I've found a wealth of wonderful haiku on CDHK and lots of thought provoking tips to try to grapple with :)

    ReplyDelete